


Farce

by Viridian5



Category: Weiß Kreuz
Genre: Assassins & Hitmen, Banter, Humor, M/M, Post-Canon, Stealth Crossover, Technology
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-18
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2019-01-19 04:01:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12402552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Viridian5/pseuds/Viridian5
Summary: Crawford and Schuldig have standards.





	Farce

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [Weiss vs Saiyuki Battle: Last Dance](https://weissvsaiyuki.dreamwidth.org/). This might apply to lady_ganesh's "20 years later" prompt. Thanks to Graegal for the beta. 
> 
> I don't know yet whether my laptop is dead or only mostly dead and my local library only gives me an hour a day on its computers, so I don't think I'll be getting much written or done in the near future.

Crawford let their intended client run through his spiel before answering, “You could have saved all of us a lot of time by telling us that the job is in Gotham during your first contact. We don’t do anything in that dumpster fire of a city for that low a price. You have to raise the pay substantially for us to be interested.” 

“Why? Does it intimidate you to face people with special abilities?” the idiot sneered.

Schuldig snorted. “Now that you’ve insulted us and called us chicken, we’ll definitely take your cheap-ass offer to work for you. Please. Why don’t you hire one of _them_ for this? Oh, right, they’re unreliable, unpredictable, quirky edgelords with gimmicks who might go off-plan and kill you for kicks themselves. Not advisable hires, unless you _want_ to die with a crazy smile on your face or from an unlucky coin toss. Or worse.” 

“Dealing with its homegrown vigilantes also adds to the price,” Crawford said.

“Die Fledermaus alone....” Schuldig murmured.

“We’re aware of the other operatives you already tried and failed to hire for this on the cheap,” Crawford continued. “At this point the community is so tired of you that they’re starting to feel like you’re trolling them. I suggest you either raise your price or give up.”

“If you knew that before this meeting why did you bother to come?” the man asked, annoyed.

“We were paid to.”

Crawford couldn’t help smiling as Schuldig whipped his Taser out of his coat and shot the stubborn idiot, especially once his body spasmed, locked up, and dropped to the asphalt. Although Schuldig looked deeply tempted to apply even more voltage, he didn’t, having learned more restraint in his sadism while on the job over the years. The community meant this as a learning experience for the man, not a dead example to others. After Schuldig removed the Taser probes from the idiot’s body, he took out his cell phone to take a photo. 

~ E-mail that photo, ~ Crawford said over their telepathic link, ~don’t text it. I don’t want them having your personal phone number. ~

~What? Are you afraid that if one of them started texting me I’d learn he has a bigger... gun than you do? ~

~ That’s impossible. What are you doing now? ~

~ Pondering which filter I’d use if I posted it to Instagram. ~

He knew Schuldig wouldn’t really do it, so he played along. ~ Clarendon. ~ Initially, he’d worried that Schuldig might post photos that would reveal too much, but his partner had been surprisingly responsible. 

~ Not so _surprisingly_ responsible. Anyway, I’m more partial to Lark or Crema, but interesting choice. Tased minds taste interesting, usually like lemon, vinegar, or aluminum foil with lightning. Our boy here is citrus-fresh. ~ Schuldig patted his immobilized victim’s head then stood up. As he and Crawford left the alley together, he said, ~ Of course, our other reason to avoid Gotham is that we don’t know what soaking in that city’s brains would do to my sparkling personality, even with my shielding. ~

~ And you’re just getting to a point where your personality doesn’t make me wince. ~

~ I still have a Taser, asshole. ~

 

### End


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